Tuesday, March 21, 2017

The Miracle Of Life.........It's Not Perfect

Okay so, life plan: get pregnant now, buy house in June, move in July. Boom, boom boom.

Growing up, I thought this would be so easy, and, some of it has been. Blake and I are actually really good at saving money and investing in our future together. So, when it came time to actually buy a house, we were ready (and are still working on the actual "buying" part).

But what about getting pregnant? I never really worried about it. I was always healthy, got plenty of exercise, was never overweight, learned to eat healthy, never did drugs, and always had a perfect menstrual cycle. I'm talking perfect. Not to mention my mom got pregnant in the first month of trying and never had a miscarriage. 

Got my first period in 8th grade, and my cycle was 28 days, every darn time. I never had any issues. Had never gotten pregnant in college or anything either. 

I went on the pill "LoEstrin" during my senior year of college since I had a boyfriend. The pill basically took away my period, which it was pretty much supposed to do.

After I graduated, I ended up getting a Paragard IUD instead, since the hormones in the pill weren't safe with my migraines that I would get every month. At the same time as I was about to get this IUD, I had taken up running. 

I had gained a few pounds from a migraine medication I was on, and hated how bloated it made me feel. So, I started to run. Soon enough, I was able to run 5 miles, and I did it every day. Some days I ran longer, and I signed up for a half marathon with one of my friends.

The pounds were soon falling off and everyone was noticing. I loved how I looked, and I had never looked or felt this good...ever. 

Another thing that I noticed right away, was that I missed my period. I was terrified I was pregnant, but after several tests revealed that I was not, I figured it was just because of the long endurance runs that I was doing.

I even signed up for a marathon and several more half marathons. I would run 50 miles a week, even in the freezing cold 18 degree Boston weather. Everyone was commenting on my weight loss. None of my clothes fit me, and I loved it. I was consuming around 1200 calories a day, and after a long afternoon of being starving at work, I would run 8 miles on an empty growling stomach before dinner. When dinner came, I would eat a sweet potato and veggies.

That all started 5 years ago. I continued to live that way for about 3 years. The lowest weight I saw on the scale was 124 lbs, which doesn't seem scary, but it is to someone like me. I'm 5'6, and while 124 is still in a normal weight range, I looked like I was much less than that, not to mention that I had been an awesome athlete at a stable 140lbs through out high school. I was always medium sized, and I never even cared about that growing up. I was always sporty.

Around my wedding, I was still at 130ish lbs, and liked how I looked. During the honeymoon I didn't work out at all and just relaxed by the pool with cocktail in hand. When I got home from our honeymoon, I got my period. I was devastated. This must mean that I'm getting fat! I got back to running and dropped a few more lbs, no period in sight.

Blake was worried about me, he wondered how I was ever going to get pregnant if I never got a period. Once we moved to San Diego, I agreed to get a doctor and find out if anything was wrong, or if my running really was the culprit.

I went through months of tests, and I even had an MRI. My Dr. put me on antidepressants for a while! I felt like I was being experimented on. At the end of it all, she determined that most of my levels were relatively normal, and they would be 100% if I stopped running. There seemed to be nothing actually wrong with me, so when the time comes to get pregnant, I would just have to stop the long distances.

Well, I stopped. I stopped in the summer of 2016, mostly because it was too hot out to run. I took up weight lifting and high intensity training instead. Still, no period. I gained a little weight and was up to 137lbs, still no period. I made myself gain just a bit more, and at 140, BOOM, I finally got a period!

This was in December 2016. I was SO happy, and I got it again in January! The cycle was about 40 days long, but I didn't care, I could tell my body was getting back on track.

I had another appointment with my doctor, who was so excited for me, and she removed my IUD as I had asked her to.

Was it time?! Was it time to actually, maybe get pregnant?! Things seemed to be lining up perfectly and I knew it was going to all go according to my plan. Blake and I started trying and I could have sworn I was pregnant in that first month. I felt off, and I even had some symptoms. My period did not come (!!), but 89237589257924 tests revealed that I was not pregnant. I could tell this was going to get complicated. And honestly, complicated is what it still is.

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