Tuesday, March 21, 2017

Clomid, I thought we were friends!

So, in February, I didn't get pregnant. I didn't even ovulate. I felt SO stupid for being so excited and actually thinking I was pregnant for a few weeks. 

I called my doctor and she quickly referred me to a specialist who was going to "induce" my period. My first thought was, "does this mean I can run as much as I want to again and I'll still get a period because I'll be on drugs!?"

I know that's the worst way of thinking, and it's self-centered. It's just so hard for me because I love running, it really is like therapy for me!

I went in for my first appointment with this new doctor. He was about a 70 year old man with certificates and degrees all over his office walls. He was very nice and was patient with me and my questions. He told me that he was going to put me on a pill called Clomid, which was going to make me ovulate. He told me that he thinks this will work for me, and that my chances of getting pregnant this month are really good!

I was SO happy! I left with a prescription in my hand and a smile on my face.

I was instructed to take progesterone pills for 5 days to induce my period. Once I got my period, I would have to go back to the doctor and have an ultrasound to make sure that everything was looking normal. 

The next morning after that appointment, I got my period. I was in SHOCK. What are the chances? I felt like a fraud...telling them my period was gone yet again. I called them up, and they told me this was a good thing! I wouldn't have to take those progesterone pills, and after my ultrasound that I was scheduled to have the very next morning, I would be able to start the Clomid pills even sooner. Being the least impatient person on the planet, I was SO excited to get on with this process!

So, the next morning, I went in for that ultrasound, which I was NOT prepared for. It was a vaginal ultrasound which is very different. The tech whipped out this...long...device and asked me to open wide! I had no idea what was going on and thought that I only needed to pull my shirt up for my stomach to be showing! 

I yelled, "wait!! I have a tampon in!"

She was actually a little mad me at (!?!) and she had me go and take it out. I literally had no clue about what was going on, and it surely was not my fault! 

So once the ultrasound was over, I went over the results with my doctor. He said I actually ovulated about 2 weeks ago (I was in Vegas raging my face off with my sister, oops). I was so sad that I had missed it and felt like I was totally irresponsible! The good news was that everything looked good, so Clomid was good to go!

After some quick bloodwork, the doctor told me he would call me this afternoon to confirm that the blood tests were good before starting the Clomid.

I was so happy! Clomid was going to save me and be my new best friend!

I went to the gym and burned off some energy while I waited for his call. I looked and had a voicemail from him. I listened to it. 

He said my levels of FSH and LH were extremely low, and I have barely any Estrogen. He told me that it is very highly unlikely that I will ovulate with Clomid. 

All hope was lost at that point and I had a depressing day on the couch. But I was determined to ovulate, dammit! My plan was to take it REALLY easy over the next week, while taking the Clomid. I wasn't going to work out, I wasn't going to watch what I ate, I was just going to live life. The timing was perfect because we left the next day for a trip up the California coast, stopping in Santa Barbara, Monterey, San Francisco, and Napa.

And boy did we live-it-up!

I took my Clomid pill each night, and spent the night just sweating away and waking up in a puddle of sweat, while Blake was cozy and snuggled under the covers. One side effect of the Clomid is hot flashes. Oooooooh goody!

Other than that, I felt normal, and just had a pep talk with my ovaries every couple hours.

The day we got home, I started taking the Estrodile pills and continued that for the next 4 days. Still sweating, still in puddles.

So I went in for my follow up ultrasound on Friday. They would be able to tell if I was going to ovulate, and even though I was expecting negative news since it was "very highly unlikely" to work.

I had the ultrasound done, and even though this time I knew what it actually was, the tech was still a little miffed that I hadn't had breakfast or emptied my bladder 100%. Again, things that no one told me!

After the ultrasound, I waited FOR-EV-ER in a tiny room for my doctor. Seriously, 40 mins later, he came in. I don't remember what he said exactly, but he told me I was going to ovulate! HA! I TOLD YOU I COULD DO IT!!!! High five, ovaries, way to be. He said I would ovulate that night or in the morning, but he also broke the news that my uterine lining was very thin (I saw on his notes that it was a 2.2, I think), and there is a low chance that I would get pregnant. I wanted to cry. 

I asked him how to fix this problem, and he said the only thing to do would be for me to take injectable medication after this Clomid cycle. He said the only other way to make it thicker is to "gain 50 lbs and become a couch potato."

This really upset me. I am very, very aware that there are plenty of people who are worse off than I am with problems when trying to conceive. I know that it's only been a couple months that we've been trying, and that so many people have been trying for YEARS. I think what upsets me so much about this whole situation is that I did this to myself. If I hadn't pushed myself so hard in the last 5 years, I could have a baby right now. A lot of things could have happened, good or bad, if I never took up running. It just hurts that I always had a perfect cycle for years, and now I've just screwed my body up so badly. Will it ever get better? He told me Clomid will work for me, and then he said it's very highly unlikely. Now he's saying injectables will work. What now? 

I'm not sure how I feel about injecting myself every day with hormones, and also paying $1000 for it. I hate taking drugs, and I try to be as natural as I can be. I even was Vegan for a while before trying to get my period back! 

I've been doing a little research into ways to get my body back to normal without all of these meds. I guess we will see what happens this month, and if unsuccessful, I may need to rethink everything.

1 comment:

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